A Fuffwah Too Far Transcript
=Transcript= A Fuffwah Too Far - Season 1 Episode 12 (In Evermoor Village, an alarm sounds) (In the tapestry room. The Everines – including Sorsha - Mayor Doyle, Fiona, Tara, Bella and Seb) MAYOR DOYLE: It’s a catastrophe. FIONA: Do you have insurance? MAYOR DOYLE: Tradition is our insurance. FIONA: Well, that’s cheaper I guess. (chuckles) ESMERELDA: Circle page. What happened? You were charged with guarding this. SEB: I, err, I stepped out. Briefly. TARA: This is all my fault. SORSHA: Well I hate to be a told-you-so Sally, but I warned you not to help Seb shirk his duty. MAYOR DOYLE: That tapestry has been in Evermoor for a thousand years. You Crossleys come along and lose it in weeks. FIONA: Well, you’re a sewing circle. Can’t you make another? MAYOR DOYLE: I – I can’t talk to her. ESMERELDA: As the first mayor in history to lose the tapestry, it is important to act swiftly and decisively. MAYOR DOYLE: Circle page Crossley, you stand accused of stealing the tapestry. TARA: No! It was me, I took the tapestry. To protect it. FIONA: Well that’s great! Where is it? TARA: I don’t know. Someone stole it from me. ESMERELDA: This is a terrible tragedy. MAYOR DOYLE: Tara Crossley, I regret to inform you that you are to stand trial for the theft of Evermoor’s grand tapestry. SORSHA: Father! TARA: This can’t be happening. ESMERELDA: Tell us where the tapestry is and it will stop. (Tara does not answer) MAYOR DOYLE: Very well. The trial will begin tomorrow, until then you are under house arrest and will have a tag fitted to ensure you don’t escape. TARA: Tag? (In the Evermoor Manor entrance hall. Everyone from the previous scene, plus Otto, Jake and Ludo, are there. Doyle is fitting a handcuff around Tara’s ankle. The handcuff is attached to a large birdcage with a bird inside) TARA: This is your tag? MAYOR DOYLE: It’s an old model, but perfectly effective. FIONA: (into her phone) I don’t care. She didn’t do it, Harry, my daughter is no thief. MAYOR DOYLE: Leave the boundaries of the house… (He picks up the birdcage and sets it down outside the door. The bird begins squawking) BirdBIRD: Too far! Too far! Too far! MAYOR DOYLE: …and it alerts the authorities. (He brings it back inside) BELLA: (to Otto) Friend of yours? (Cameron enters through a back doorway) CAMERON: I just heard. You okay? TARA: Mom’s calling our lawyer in from London. MAYOR DOYLE: I’m afraid the bridge to Evermoor is closed until we find the tapestry. No-one comes in or out. FIONA: What happens if she’s found guilty? MAYOR DOYLE: You will all be banished from Evermoor for one hundred years. After that, you can come back, but people might be a bit funny around you. FIONA: (into her phone) You need to get a cab to take you to Evermoor. A car one. Don’t bother with the guy with the camel. SORSHA: I know my father. I know the by-laws. I can defend you. TARA: Against your dad? I can’t ask you to do that. SORSHA: It’s my duty. (looking at Seb) I don’t betray my obligations. If you had honoured your duty this would never have happened. (Otto walks up to Tara) OTTO: We both know there’s only one way out of this. Find the tapestry. That’s what will set you free. TARA: The trial’s tomorrow, Otto, and we’re all in it. We don’t have the manpower to find the tapestry. (Jake and Ludo jump up) JAKE: What about boy power? We’ll do it! LUDO: Hey, that’s my line. (In the Beacon. Lacie is playing with Cameron’s spider) BRIDGET: Theft. Your plan grows more foolish with every stumbling misstep. LACIE: We cannot create the future until we are three, only predict it. So we will do whatever it takes. So now we have the tapestry. Now we sew the prediction of the third fated. (Esmerelda enters) ESMERELDA: It will draw attention to us. No, we must remove the threat of being discovered before we sew. We use Tara’s trial for that. (To Bridget) Have you stitched the enchantment that will hide our presence? BRIDGET: Almost. These hands… ESMERELDA: It’s a simple charm. Just finish it. No-one sews on the tapestry until it’s done. LACIE: Relax, sister. The tapestry says we destroy Evermoor, we win. (In the Village Hall. Everyone has gathered for Tara’s trial. All of the main characters are there, except Esmerelda and Lacie) BELLA: What’s with the haunted choir? OTTO: The oldest Evermoorians. They’re the ones who pass judgement. Each side states their case, then the Olds give their verdict. Guilty, not guilty, a bit guilty, or who knows. MAYOR DOYLE: So, you didn’t steal it, but you did take it, and you hid it, but you didn’t steal it. TARA: Well, it sounds worse when you say it. MAYOR DOYLE: Are you hiding anything from us, Ms. Crossley? Remember I am holding the Fuffwah of Judgement. (He produces a large, thick stick with peacock feathers on the end. He holds it in Tara’s face) OTTO: The truth of each statement is tested by tickling the nose with the Fuffwah. If the person doesn’t sneeze, then their statement is taken as true. If they sneeze, it’s a lie. TARA: I’m not hiding anything. (Tara sneezes) MAYOR DOYLE: A lie! (Sorsha stands up) SORSHA: Objection! Not facing east when asking the question. MAYOR DOYLE: I withdraw the question. (Sorsha sits back down) FIONA: How do you know all this stuff? SORSHA: We do pretend trials at home. (Esmerelda enters the hall) MAYOR DOYLE: I call Cameron Marsh to the Seat of Contention. (Cameron stands up and sits in the seat as Tara gets up. Doyle immediately waves the Fuffwah in his face) (In the tapestry room, Jake and Ludo are looking for clues) JAKE: You got the fingerprint kit? LUDO: Why do you have a fingerprint kit? JAKE: Because the world isn’t all baby feet and yuck bars, my friend. Sometimes it’s as crooked as an antenna in a car wash. You investigate all the ghosts you want. Me, I deal with the living. And like snails, they leave a trail. Dust for prints, here, here, and here. (Ludo is attempting to get the lid off the jar of fingerprint dust. Jake spots something on the floor and bends down) JAKE: What is this? Black thread? Got a lead here. (Ludo coughs. He has covered himself in fingerprint dust) LUDO: Got the lid off. (In the Village Hall, Tara’s trial is continuing) MAYOR DOYLE: I call Sebastian Crossley to the Seat of Contention! (Seb goes to sit in the seat) MAYOR DOYLE: Circle page, you have brought dishonour to your post, have you? SORSHA: Objection! MAYOR DOYLE: On what grounds? SORSHA: I really don’t like it. MAYOR DOYLE: Then I’ll ask you, Sorsha. Did you say to Sebastian – and I quote – ‘If you had honoured your duty none of this would have happened’? (He grabs the Fuffwah and thrusts it in Sorsha’s face) SORSHA: Father? MAYOR DOYLE: Be honest, Sorsha. SORSHA: Yes. But Seb abandoned his post because of me. TARA: Sorsha, I don’t know if you should go saying – SORSHA: I am the reason the tapestry was stolen. His affection for me was the reason Seb betrayed his duty to the circle, and mine for him the reason I allowed it. ESMERELDA: Everine Sorsha Doyle. With those words you break your sacred vows to the circle. Boys are forbidden. The penalty for your transgression is immediate expulsion from the circle, and removal of your purple cloak. (Two Everines remove Sorsha’s cloak) ESMERELDA: You are unchosen! (She rips Sorsha’s cloak in half) (advertisement break) (In the Evermoor Manor kitchen) TARA: Poor Sorsha. BELLA: You have no idea how bad she smelled. TARA: Bella, I could see how she felt in her face. BELLA: Seb’s looking for her now. She’s gonna need to pull out all the stops if we’re gonna win this case. (Jake and Ludo enter. Ludo is still covered in fingerprint dust. TARA: What happened to him? LUDO: I’m not good with lids. JAKE: Needless to say, we found no prints. Whoever did this was smarter than a phone. TARA: You didn’t find anything? (Jake holds up a plastic bag) JAKE: Only this. Stray black thread. Was black thread; burned right through my evidence bag! Gone quicker than a wig in a hurricane. BELLA: So? That stuff was all over the tapestry. It was bound to drop some when it was being taken out. JAKE: Sure, babycakes. But that went to the school. I found this leading to the back of the tapestry room wall. Stopped dead. Deader than a teacher’s eye after a wisecrack. BELLA: Why’s he talking like that? LUDO: This is his thing. TARA: Stopped at the back wall? (Jake nods) TARA: (quietly) The secret door… (In the Stumpy Plum. Sorsha is sitting alone. Seb enters) SORSHA: Seb, I… SEB: Sorsha, look. No-one’s ever done anything like that for me before. SORSHA: It was the right thing to do. SEB: It cost you everything. You know I hated the circle getting their way, but I never wanted this. Not in a million years. SORSHA: It is done. Fate gave me the calling, and fate took it away. SEB: You don’t have to do that all the time. You’re allowed to get mad. SORSHA: If I do, I’ll get mad at you. Seb, I need to be alone. (Seb leaves. Sorsha knocks a basket of apples off the counter, but quickly starts picking them back up. She is crying) (In the tapestry room. Tara, Bella, Otto and Cameron are following the black thread) OTTO: You think whoever weaved that black prediction came through here? CAMERON: But we’re the only ones who know about this door. (They look through the door, and see a piece of black thread) (In the Beacon) LACIE: (singing) Weave tomorrow today, my sisters; deeds undone, words unsaid; ours the eye that guides the needle; the hand that cuts the thread. (Esmerelda weaves a prediction on the tapestry. It shows a purple cloak) LACIE: The purple cloak. ESMERELDA: The third fated villager is an Everine. LACIE: This tapestry. Always hazy. Our sister will be one of half a dozen women. ESMERELDA: Calm. We have our answer. We simply work our way through the circle. BRIDGET: But you can’t. This lantern has been repaired with impure thread. Those who touch it who aren’t fated won’t walk away. The lantern will hurt them. ESMERELDA: I don’t care about the none-fated. You lose your silly circle, so be it. I get my sister back. BIRD: (off-screen) Too far! Too far! Too far. (Lacie holds up the box containing Bridget’s essence) LACIE: Shh. (Tara, Cameron, Bella and Otto walk up the stairs to the top of the Beacon. They enter the room, and find that it is empty) TARA: Nothing. CAMERON: Dead end. (They stand directly in front of the invisible barrier that conceals Bridget and the Founders) OTTO: There’s nothing here. Come on. (Bella begins to sniff) BELLA: Can you smell that? TARA: You got something? BELLA: A candle. Immediately after it’s been blown out. Next to a bowl of popcorn. Salty. Not buttered. Stale. CAMERON: What does it mean? BELLA: I don’t know. I’m still learning my smells. (Bridget takes the pink frog from her pocket, reaches through the invisible barrier and puts it in Tara’s pocket) CAMERON: I’m sorry. (Tara takes one last look around the room. Finding nothing, she exits with the others) TARA: Come on, Hans. (In the Village Hall, Tara’s trial is continuing) BELLA: Salty, stale, popcorn, candle, salty, stale, popcorn, candle, salty… OTTO: Can we stop talking about the smell in the Beacon, please? BELLA: It’s a clue, chicken wings. If we can figure out the smell, then maybe we can find the tapestry. MAYOR DOYLE: Ms Dwyer. You said the tapestry had recently been defaced. (Esmerelda is sitting in the seat. Doyle holds the Fuffwah in her face) ESMERELDA: Yes. Youthful in its waste, the lack of respect suggested an outsider, and the use of thread a girl. (She does not sneeze) MAYOR DOYLE: A young person. Girl. New to the village. I think we’ve heard enough. TARA: Sorsha, aren’t you gonna say something? This is an ambush. MAYOR DOYLE: Elders! The verdict, please. (Two of the Elders help a third one to stand up. She gives Doyle a slip of paper) MAYOR DOYLE: Tara Crossley. (Tara stands up) MAYOR DOYLE: You have been found guilty of the theft of the grand tapestry. (The courtroom reacts) SORSHA: I’m so sorry, Tara. MAYOR DOYLE: You are to be banished from the village forthwith. You have until sundown tomorrow to gather your possessions and leave. (In the Beacon) ESMERELDA: One of the names on this list will be the fated one. BRIDGET: The lantern’s black thread! Anyone who touches it who’s not fated… LACIE: Won’t be a problem anymore. (There is a knock on the Beacon door) LACIE: I hope you’re ready for company, Budgie. (Esmerelda opens the door. One of the Everines enters) ESMERELDA: Come, Everine. All your questions will be answered. The lantern will illuminate. (She holds it up. The Everine reaches forward and touches it. She is turned to stone, and shrinks to become a tiny statuette) LACIE: One down, five to go. (Lacie laughs. Bridget looks horrified) (In the Evermoor Manor living room. The whole Crossley family, plus Cameron, Otto, Crimson and Ludo are there. Crimson is crying) TARA: They can’t do this, can they, Mom? FIONA: Well, apparently they can. The deeds of the house say the owner can be evicted if found guilty or a bit guilty of a crime. TARA: I’m so sorry, Mom. FIONA: It’s not your fault, kid. This village never wanted us anyway. BELLA: So that’s it. We’re going back to London. Why doesn’t it feel good? JAKE: I’m gonna go pack. (He leaves) (Crimson picks up an ukulele) CRIMSON: Come. Let us prepare their farewell song. (She and Ludo leave) TARA: That’s it? There’s gotta be a way out of this. BELLA: The candle-popcorn smell! Our best hope is figuring out the candle-popcorn smell. OTTO: No. We find that tapestry. That’s the only way. They can’t banish you if they have the tapestry – CAMERON: You’re leaving tomorrow. You’re all leaving tomorrow, there’s no time for any of this. You’ll be lucky if there’s any time to pack. It wasn’t true what your mum said. I wanted you to stay. (He leaves, and Tara smiles) SEB: I’m going to say goodbye to Sorsha. (He leaves) OTTO: The first friends I make in a thousand years. And I lose them. (He leaves) BELLA: Why don’t I want to leave? TARA: Because it’s home. (Bella leaves. There is a quiet ribbit. Tara looks in her pocket and finds the pink frog) TARA: Bridget’s alive! (She puts the frog down in a cup and starts unpicking the cuff on her ankle) (Otto is walking to the Snoot cage, followed by Bella) BELLA: Otto! Look - OTTO: Not the smell… BELLA: Just humour me. Put on a bunch of thoughts and emotions, and we’ll see if any of them match the smell! What have you got to lose? Hmm. See, right now, you’re irritated, but going to cave. OTTO: So, I just think different things, and you tell me what they smell like? (He stops in front of the cage) BELLA: Mm hm. (Otto concentrates on an emotion) BELLA: Onions. OTTO: Anger. BELLA: New books. OTTO: Optimism. I’ll try confusion. BELLA: Ugh, earwax! Do not get confused around me. (Otto laughs) BELLA: Oh no, I know that one. That’s cupcakes. That’s attraction. (Otto’s face immediately falls) BELLA: What? Wait, that, that was a fake one, right? OTTO: Yeah. (He looks confused) OTTO: This isn’t going to work, Bella. There’s a thousand feelings, a thousand smells. What are the chances of finding whoever’s giving off that one candle-popcorn emotion? (He begins to walk off) BELLA: Wait! OTTO: We need to find that tapestry. (Bella begins to follow him. He notices, and quickens his stride) (Bella walks past the tapestry room door, then stops and back up, sniffing. She walks into the room) BELLA: A candle. Blown out. Popcorn. Stale! (Otto is looking at photographs in the tapestry room) BELLA: Salty. (He looks up as Bella approaches) OTTO: I was just trying to… look for clues. BELLA: What were you feeling just now? OTTO: You don’t smell cupcake again, do you? (He produces a bottle of scent from his pocket and starts spraying it at Bella) BELLA: No, no. The candle-popcorn smell. Whatever you’re feeling right now is it. OTTO: Fear of being found out. BELLA: What? OTTO: Nothing. I know where the tapestry is! BELLA: Where? (Otto turns around to look at the secret door) OTTO: The priest hole’s open. (He rushes through it) (In the Beacon. Tara is there) TARA: Bridget? Bridget, are you there? Please tell me you’re there. LACIE: We have your essence, Budgie, you’ll do as we please. TARA: Bridget? Bridget, please, I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m out of time! Give me a sign! (Nothing happens, and she turns to leave. She spots the Everine statuette on the floor, and looks at the lantern) LACIE: Finally, the Crossley girl will be out of our way. TARA: Two Founders are missing. (She reaches out to the lantern, as Otto enters) OTTO: Tara? I know where the tapestry is! (He sees Tara about to touch the lantern) OTTO: No! Stay away from the lantern! (He pushes Tara out of the way, and accidently touches it himself. He is turned into a statuette) TARA: Otto! Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts